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Helping
Children Cope
In the Aftermath of Disasters
prepared by Noelene Johnsson
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In the wake of the September 11 horror,
experts offer some general advice for helping children cope with
tragedy. Their suggestions, adapted from a network e-mail message,
appear below with our comments added in italics.
Before trying to help children, however,
we adults should take time to renew our own faith and certainty.
We need to be honest with God and admit that we have questions.
He alone can restore our trust. Praying through a Scripture passage,
or a Bible promise opens our heart to receive. (Try Psalms 20, 46,
90.) We can read verse by verse, asking God to do for us what is
found in the text. Not until God gets through to us will we be truly
helpful to children.
GENERAL ADVICE
1. Reassure children that
you will help to keep them safe. (Here is where Christians have
an advantage; we have the certainty that from everlasting to everlasting,
our God rules. Celebrate this certainty with song. In her book,
Putting Their Hands in His, Ruthie
Jacobsen asserts that "there is power in a song." God
sprang Paul and Silas from prison when they sang at mdinight.)
2. Turn off the TV. Over-exposure to
the media can be traumatizing. If your older children are watching
the news, be sure to watch with them. (Very
likely, if anyone in the house is watching the coverage, everyone
will. And all the graphic details burn themselves into a child’s
memory, heightening their fears–ours too! In the aftermath of the
World Trade Center destruction, psychiatrists agree, people need
to "tear (their) attention away from the endless video loops
of the tragedy.")
3. Be aware that your child's age will
affect his or her response. Adolescents in particular may be hard
hit by these kinds of events. Obtaining counseling for a child or
adolescent soon after a disaster may reduce long-term effects.
4. Calmly express your emotions–remember
that a composed demeanor will provide a greater sense of security
for your child. (After the severe earth tremors in California
in the early 1980's, psychologists reported that those children
whose parents handled the trauma successfully were noticeably less
traumatized than those whose parents panicked. Scripture and prayer
can help us regain our composure. Some helpful passages include
the following: Ps. 23; 30:5; 33:4; 34:19; 37:23-25; 46:1; 55:22.)
5. Give your children extra time and
attention and plan to spend more time with your children in the
following months. (Human relationships
have the capacity to provide immense comfort to adults as well as
children. One New Yorker affected by the collapse of the World Trade
Center remarked, "I just find comfort in the love of my two
wonderful little girls.")
6. Let your children ask questions,
talk about what happened, and express their feelings. (Just
because you turned off the TV in time, don’t think you can keep
the tragedy away from little people. They pick up on adult behavior,
sensing that something is wrong. If you don’t talk, they will assume
that things are worse than they really are. There is no need to
elaborate on the gory details, however. Telling stories about the
heroes who unselfishly serve others during or after a tragedy inspires
selflessness, hope, and courage in children.)
7. Play with children who can't talk
yet to help them work out their fears and respond to the atmosphere
around them. (Building with
blocks can give children a chance to play out what they think happened.
Question them as they play to clarify what they know and think.
Correct their misperceptions. Painting pictures also can be therapeutic
for children.)
8. Keep regular schedules for activities
such as eating, playing and going to bed to help restore a sense
of security and normalcy. (However,
the first night after a traumatic event don’t bundle kids off to
bed before they have had a chance to process what happened and to
hear reassurance of your trust in God.)
9. Consider how you and your child
can help. Children are better able to regain their sense of power
and security if they feel they can help in some way. (And
how can they help? Give them a choice of activities, including some
of the following:
- Write a letter to someone–God,
the president, the enemy, a survivor,
- Make a card or poster for one
of the above,
- Draw a picture,
- Bake cookies for someone who
is hurting,
- Collect money to send to a
survivor fund,
- Give their own donation to
a fund.
AGENCIES ACCEPTING DONATIONS FOR
RELIEF
The Adventist Development
and Relief Agency International is receiving donations on behalf
of a concerted Adventist response to this disaster. Those who want
to donate can call, in the United States: 1-800-424-ADRA (2372).
Outside the United States, call: (301) 680-6049 within business
hours (U.S. eastern daylight saving time), or visit http://www.adra.org
For more information on helping victims
of the U.S. attacks, contact http://helping.org/promos/cs_wtc.adp
The United Way of New York and the
New York Community Trust have established a fund to help the victims
of the attacks and their families. The September Eleventh Fund will
provide immediate support to established emergency assistance agencies.
Anyone wishing to contribute may send their donations in care of,
United Way, 2 Park Ave, New York, NY, 10016 or call 212-251-4035.
Donations are also being accepted on United Way of New York City's
Web site, http://www.uwnyc.org
RESOURCES
The following web sites have
additional useful information for parents and caregivers:
The above information
provided courtesy of the Children's
Defense Fund.
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©
North American Division Children's Ministries___